Sometimes God has dog eyes.

I have been feeling distant from God for awhile. I think my life has been so busy with other concerns, He has kind of faded in the background. It's not that I'm not conscious of Him, but I don't think I've been conscious of Him as Lord. Plus, any time I pray, I feel my prayers are hitting the ceiling.

My future husband asked me to go out and look at the stars tonight. It was then I realized how far from feeling God I've been lately. I sat, outwardly soundless, emotionless, except for the buckets of tears rolling down my cheeks. I realized how much I missed God.

When I long for God, I long for Him in every way. This includes physically. One of the most bizarre yet serene experiences I've ever had was in a judgement house a few Octobers back. We went through the room in which you supposedly died in a car accident. You approach the throne of judgement. Your name is repeated over the loud speaker, letting you know that you are in the book of life, and that you can enter heaven. Jesus (who is wearing a bad fake wig) comes out in the traditional Jesus garb, walks down the line, and hugs each of the people in the room, welcoming them to heaven. But when he got to me, instead of being freaked out, I clung to him for dear life. I forgot that it was an actor, and I imagined myself actually approaching the physical form of Jesus, and being able to connect with Him past the spiritual. I marvel at those that were actually able to walk with Jesus, and see him sweat, and see him laugh, and see him cry...it all leaves me wishing I had existed and walked in the same steps as Jesus.

But with God, you don't get that physical human connection. That's part of the greatness of Him, that you can still feel close to Him while never experiencing a physical connection with Him. At the same time, that is part of my pursuit, my race toward Him, to possibly touch the hem of His garmet, and feel as close to Him as possible, hoping that one experience will be one step closer to experiencing His physical presence. It's a bittersweet loneliness as well. One of the top things I hope I can experience in heaven is literally going up to Jesus, and getting a close as possible. Like a child following after her father's shadow, I think if human form existed in heaven, I would be the one that would literally be attached to Jesus as He walked around.

I was feeling the presence of God tonight, and longing for that physical connection. Wesley was preaching/discussing (0ne of the things he's great at) and suddenly my dog, Claudia, came up to me. And for no other way to explain this other than it was a supernatural experience, Claudia looked me in the eye, about five inches from my face, and laid her chin on my shoulder. It was the only way a dog could hug. And I felt God saying to me, "I can't be there with you, but I am HERE with you." As bizarre as it sounds, when Claudia looked at me face to face, with that unblinkling stare,with those brown, wise eyes that pierced my soul, I felt like God had specifically directed His creature toward me to offer the only physical comfort He could give me.

He brought me to the banqueting house, and His banner over me was love.

- Song of Songs 2:4